Health Lifestyle Mind

How to start again when your marriage breaks down. Life update.

June 10, 2018
Health Lifestyle Mind

How to start again when your marriage breaks down. Life update.

June 10, 2018

 

There is always a fine line between sharing and oversharing. I mean how much do you want to know about my life really? I was re-writing my ‘about’ page and I realised how much has changed for me in the last 18 months. Change that really has impacted the way I approach my life, the way I talk to people, coach my clients, a change that has occurred deep within me. A change that really I need to share with you as it affects my blog and the things I write about.

When I went to re-write my about page I stripped it back and went back to my mission. I wrote this:

“I created this blog so that I can reach everyday people and give them what it takes to live a healthy, happy life with my guidance, expertise and support”

This has ALWAYS been the case but my guidance, expertise and support is now impacted by my experiences over the last 18 months.

I got married when I was 28. At the time I was still at Uni studying my law degree. I hadn’t carved a career for myself and been independent in that way at all. When I graduated I couldn’t find work (for some reason people find this hard to believe but the amount of law graduates there are compared to the job opportunities are outnumbered in Sydney – didn’t help being an international student (no contacts), and getting average grades from a fairly new university). Anyway, I started my blog as a hobby during this time whilst I was looking for work.

Weird things happened very suddenly like this article going viral, this interview being had and winning this national competition. All of a sudden I was a heath and fitness expert – something I had only ever dreamed of being labelled and I was featured herehere and here to name but a few. 

This was all amazing but my  personal life was in ruins. My marriage had been suffering for a long time and I felt like something was missing. I had seen an awesome opportunity to travel to Bhutan with a group of 20 people involved in mindfulness – it was called ‘the slow change experience‘. I got accepted onto the program and I underwent a ‘spiritual’ transformation whilst I was in Bhutan. I met so many amazing and inspiring people and without knowing it this was the start of something that changed my life.

Not all was great though. At the beginning of 2017 my marriage fell apart, I had no career, no finances and I felt scared, vulnerable and alone. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional turmoil ahead and to make things worse my family were the other side of the world and I got injured so I couldn’t exercise and I couldn’t complete my PT course that I had enrolled in. I turned to meditation to help me through this tough time and I felt so passionate about it that I completed my mindfulness and meditation teacher course .

2017 was most definitely the hardest year of my life emotionally, I went through periods of self loathing, destruction and unhealthy practices (such as excessive drinking, binge eating and negative thinking). There were times where I thought ‘I can’t go on’, times where I thought ‘I don’t have what it takes’ even times were I thought ‘this is all too hard‘. I had no career or stable income and every week I struggled to get by – I sold my Tiffany engagement ring to pay my bills, I worked 2 jobs and picked up extra work where I could.

I was taken to court which cost me tens of thousands of dollars but I had no choice. I had court appearances that wouldn’t just go away, they had to be dealt with. My dog had been taken from me and left with someone else to look after (If you follow me on social media you would have seen my pleas to get him back – he is literally EVERYTHING to me – my only family here). In the end I couldn’t fight any more. I had to hold my head high and walk away with practically nothing behind me (and a whopping legal bill). What could I do? The trauma was too much, the stress was too high and all my dignity had been taken from me. I had to tune in to my rational mind and work out what was best for ME as an emotional, raw, strong woman.

I had to come to terms with the fact I HAD TO START AGAIN

I had to be real with myself, my earning capacity, my spending and looking after my bills and expenses. Yeah, I’m 34 but being in a committed relationship for 8 years meant that I had a lot of learning to do now that I was on my own. Things that I had never taken care of were now my biggest priority. It came down to survival and now I had to learn HOW to be an adult and a completely independent person (something that scared me massively).

I was torn between meditating and being mindful to stressed to the eyeballs and wanting to throw it all in! How could I balance this? I had to work out how and what I would do to create a steady income. Enough to pay my bills, feed Henri and have a life (in Sydney).

Taking a breath

For some reason I kept on being brought back to meditation and mindfulness. I would light my Bhutanese incense, burn some candles and meditate every morning and every night. I started to become aware that I was observing my thoughts. Yes, I had HUGE responsibility now which I was not used to BUT everything was still ok. I still woke up in the morning and made my smoothie. I still went for my run and did my make up. I still went to events and engaged in meaningful conversation. I was still ME.

I started to feel better and stronger. I finished my PT course and straight away I got a job at one of the most supportive, flexible, beautiful gyms I could possible imagine, here. I started advertising my services for online coaching and I’m working on a number of business ventures as we speak. Opportunities have come my way and I believe the universe is still looking after me.

I work on myself every single day and I have a long way to go but the truth is, I couldn’t be happier. I had to break down before I could build myself back up again and I had to face up to things that I found daunting and wanted to run away from. I sought professional help for things I couldn’t explain and I feel grateful I had that opportunity. I don’t physically have what I used to have but it doesn’t matter to me. I have my dignity and my pride and my independence. Am I healed? Far from it. It will take me a long time to be ready for a committed relationship but I’m ok with that. For now it’s me and Henri – the one thing I fought for right until the end. I know it sounds crazy but having my dog meant SO MUCH MORE to me than any amount of money. He has helped me be a more stable, responsible person and I’m so grateful for him every day.

Ironically what made me be more productive was slowing everything down and taking time for me. People often confuse ‘being busy’ with being productive. Nurturing yourself will get you closer to where you want to be.

If you are having a tough time after a break up or divorce I would love to hear from you. I have created a women’s only, supportive and empowering Facebook page centred on health, wellness and positivity. You never know, it might be just what you need to get things back on track! You don’t have to be going through a break up to join my page though, the only requirement is that you are female, non judgmental and on (or wanting to start) a health journey!

Join the group here

If you feel you want one on one online health coaching please get in touch with me: sophie@sophiebenbow.com

Wearing CottononBody

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If you are suffering from anxiety and depression beyond the scope of this article please contact Lifeline which is a crisis support and suicide prevention service in Australia. You can find the link here.

Sophie Benbow

Sophie is a true advocate for health and wellness. Her conscious eating and regular fitness regime has given her knowledge that she wants to share with all of her readers. From her personal recipes to her personal style and training tips you can find it here at sophiebenbow.com.

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1 Comment

  • Reply Ansomaa June 12, 2018 at 12:28 am

    Aww..u’ve been through a lot i guess…just wanted to tell u to try Jesus as well…He actually puts my heart at rest and i know He wld do same to you…niwaez..i wish u de very best in ur endeavours

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