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Re-claiming your identity as a single person

June 10, 2019
Health Mind Relationships

Re-claiming your identity as a single person

June 10, 2019

I’ve talked about this a lot regarding re-claiming who you really are when you come out of a relationship. I went through an absolute identity crisis when my marriage broke down and I had to search inside myself to discover the real ‘me’ again. I was scared of this discovery and unsure about stepping forth as the new, re-discovered Sophie with her sense of purpose and determination. I wanted to hide behind the facade of ‘broken’, ‘pitiful’ and ‘desperate’, it was actually easier to do this.  But at the same time, I found it really hard to be strong when my whole life had turned upside down and I felt traumatised by everything.

I had gotten so low that I had to make a change. I didn’t want this life for me, I knew I was better. I went back to this amazing exercise that I learnt as a meditation and mindfulness teacher ‘identifying your being values’. It might sound too simple to actually work but this simple exercise literally turned my life around. It helped me take ownership of where I am right now and how I can put my best foot forward. My values challenge me every day and that is important. It’s helped me to re-define my purpose and the complete essence of my being. This is an exercise I do with my coaching clients and when I speak at events and I’m always amazed that very few people in the audience have ever done this.

Identifying you being values

There are two types of values, values that represent feelings such as companionship, freedom and security and values that represent character traits. Being Values are associated with values that describe the character of the ideal person you would like to be.

When we identify being values it can help us change automatic responses and also change limiting beliefs which can hold us back. Recognising who we are, what we can be and what we have can change the perception we have of ourselves and make us feel more confident and determined to live by our values.

When you choose your being values you are honouring yourself and committing to values you want to live by.

How to do it:

  • choose three (or more) values
  • remind yourself of these values daily
  • commit to living and acting on your being values

How it works

  • when we make a commitment to act on our chosen values daily we are giving ourself a code of ethics to live by. This makes it easier to have a positive response to the ups and downs of life.
  • Acting on being values breaks the habit of reacting which will create new beliefs about yourself
  • Makes you feel good about yourself

Bear in mind

  • you must be willing to act on your chosen values
  • they need to be challenging for you and outside of your comfort zone
  • choose values that support your essential nature (not values which will potentially change who you are)
  • choose values which will make you feel good about yourself
  • these values should help enhance your life

Defining your values

  • When you choose your values write down your value with a personal definition. For example, if you choose caring as a value: Caring – as a caring person I help others as long as it is not detrimental to my own wellbeing.

The benefits from acting on Being Values

Can change:

  • Limiting beliefs
  • Perception of what a person can do, be and have
  • Increases self esteem
  • Supports the development of personal strengths
  • Supports letting go of fears

Being Values EXAMPLES:

This is just a short list of some being values if you are struggling (there are many more though so don’t feel restricted by this list).

  • Authenticity
  • Achievement
  • Adventure
  • Authority
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Beauty
  • Boldness
  • Compassion
  • Challenge
  • Citizenship
  • Community
  • Competency
  • Contribution
  • Creativity
  • Curiosity
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Faith
  • Fame
  • Friendships
  • Fun
  • Growth
  • Happiness
  • Honesty
  • Humour
  • Influence
  • Inner Harmony
  • Justice
  • Kindness
  • Knowledge
  • Leadership
  • Learning
  • Love
  • Loyalty
  • Meaningful Work
  • Openness
  • Optimism
  • Peace
  • Pleasure
  • Poise
  • Popularity
  • Recognition
  • Religion
  • Reputation
  • Respect
  • Responsibility
  • Security
  • Self-Respect
  • Service
  • Spirituality
  • Stability
  • Success
  • Status
  • Trustworthiness
  • Wealth
  • Wisdom

Enjoy identifying your values! I find this exercise extremely helpful and it’s something I revisit constantly. It’s such a simple thing to do but it can really help identify what is important to you and help change limiting beliefs and be able to respond more positively to the ups and downs of life.

Please leave me some feedback on this post and let me know how you find this exercise x x 

If you would like to hear more about Sophie’s online coaching programs or events please contact her on .

Wearing Femme Luxe

Sophie Benbow

Sophie is a true advocate for health and wellness. Her conscious eating and regular fitness regime has given her knowledge that she wants to share with all of her readers. From her personal recipes to her personal style and training tips you can find it here at

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