Develop Your Own Response Technique And Feel More Connected
*please note that this article was originally published on Brainz Magazine here
Learning how to respond instead of reacting will equip you with life-long, positive communication skills.
There is no doubt that you might have some anger fuelled situations in life and it’s ok if you lose your mind occasionally. But the sooner you become aware that you do have a choice and choosing to respond (9 times out of 10) will be better for your health and well-being and it will aid in your healing journey.
When I discovered Mindfulness, I was very quick to realise that I was a feisty, short-tempered, impatient person. I hadn’t learnt how to be calm and respond with love and ease. Learning and developing this has helped me gain a greater feeling of control and empowerment. It also helped me realise that I had been choosing negativity over positivity which was aiding to my immense stress, sleepless nights, and anxiety.
It’s important to note here that it is very common to feel anger, jealousy, resentment, and other negative feelings but how you take care of those feelings is the important part. Developing self-awareness and recognising that you are suffering is an important step with this. Turning these feelings into your own suffering will help you understand that these things manifest inside of you and cause you pain. Just like when you have a headache for example, you must spend time nursing yourself back to health. Think about your thoughts in the same way. Ease your suffering.
What’s hard to understand and appreciate with reacting is that this is usually an automatic response. Let’s do some deeper delving into Reacting and Responding:
Reacting
It comes from the gut, with not much time to process
It can be defensive
It can be fuelled with anger or rage
There is little regard for the long-term consequences
It can damage relationships
It causes stress inside you and sometimes for other people
Usually comes from instincts and learned behaviours
It can be irrational
Usually comes from fear
Responding
Requires us to take a pause and observe our thoughts
Comes from awareness
Is usually a calmer situation
Our internal thoughts and feelings may stay the same but how you respond to them will be different
It creates a deeper level of understanding around what you need for the people around you
Creates a safe environment for you and others to talk and be rational
It is empowering and uplifting
Develops compassion
Is centred on pause and breathing
When the differences are outlined like this, which one is more appealing? For me responding has changed almost all the relationships I have in my life, including the relationship I have with myself.
Developing your response technique:
Step One: Start to notice when you are triggered and take a moment to pause.
Step Two: Go against what you usually would do (react, shout, be angry and so on). (If it means you must leave the situation, go, and get some peace outside to get calm).
Step Three: Practice deep breathing
Step Four: Actively listen to the other person
Step Five: Respond with love.
How to practice deep breathing
Sit quietly and notice your surroundings.
Become present and take a few deep breaths in an out, do this slowly.
Notice where you are holding tension and allow yourself to relax
Breathe in, to the count of four
Breathe out to the count of four
Repeat until you feel calmer.
With time and practice your breath will become deeper and shallow.
Developing your response technique will be enhanced if you are embodying other mindful practices in your routine such as journaling, identifying your personal values, mirror work and meditation. Enjoy the journey.
Namaste xx